I spend a lot of time on my own. Creating , thinking, watching YouTube videos about other peoples lives and creativity. In the hope that I can feel something ro inspired me and stay sane in this messed up world. But it doesn’t always work. Sometimes I break and I can’t feel or make sense of anything.

I woke this morning, after not sleeping well for a few days, and have this overwhelming feeling of cutting through the noise of the world. Telling my truth and not caring about how people think or feel about me.

I genuinely don’t belong in this new world. This new world of tech, image, and performing for approval of others. But I constantly find myself being drawn into the attention seeking behaviour of the new techno-centric world. I do know, as an artist, that we have to do something to promote out work, but I don’t want to anymore.

To be completely honest, which I can be, this is my site …. I don’t want to use the platforms to promote myself. I have never wanted to follow the crowd anyway. If everyone is going in one direction, my primal instinct is to go in the opposite direction.

So I’m going to start blogging on here. I’m going to be telling my truth. This is my site, my life and my struggles to cope with my mental health, my constant feeling of loneliness and dealing with the fact that, in all of the noise of the world, no one seems to really care. Not unless there is something in it from them. It feels as if everyone has an agenda.

I’m going to be writing my truth, not the ‘woke’ truth. Just my way of seeing the world, through my strange, trippy world filter. I’m going to tell stories from my past.

If you want to know me. Ask. Converse ŵith me. Isn’t it time we all put some of our time aside to connect properly? Not in a social media database.

This site is my corner of the digital world. A place for me to do what I please to help me get through this mess that we are in. I am going to be brutally honest about myself. I’m done trying to fit it, to be something I am not to please the expectations others have in me. I’m nearly 50. I have changed. The world has changed.

If you think you know people on Facebook, Twitter or any social media platform, you don’t. That’s the image they want to portray or try think expect of them. Social media has taken away the blog. It’s taken away true digital intimacy. It’s take away human truth for the the financial benefit of big tech corporations, and large sums of money and big data.

It’s a game they are playing with our lives, and they we have all been playing for far too long. Well … I’m off the board. I don’t want to play their corrupt game anymore. A game where ‘they’ will always be the winner.

I’m done with going in that direction. I want to take a step back and write about my experiences, in the hope that someone will take a step back, relax and read about my crazy brain. My art, my processes and my strange arty life.

If you’ve got this far. Thank you for reading my first blog post. I hope I don’t ramble. Inside my head is a real mish-mash of weirdness and creativity. And my site is where I am going to show it.

Fancy coming along for the bumpy ride? No!? I don’t blame you.

Anyway, have a smashing day without judgment, with love, peace and hope around you.

And as a footnote, I am writing from my van, Doodle, in a lay-by in Clitheroe. It’s freezing and I need to get dressed. Now go. Start your day.